Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Grak on Grak

Grak receive questions from Gressis and realize now that many delicious brains have questions about Grak, being unacquainted with Grak-kind.

Q: What kind of demon are you, Grak? If you don't mind my asking.

Past: Grak spit from darkest void 2 years ago. Grak have good homelife: Grak mother regularly, and with tender care, regurgitate partially digested brains for young Grak. When Grak old enough, Grak's siblings, parents, and entire village of Grak-kind nice enough to be eaten by Grakself. Grak move to big city to make fortune.

Employment: Grak work in salon now administering aroma-therapy. Tip: tea tree oil good for soothing screams of abject horror. But this just pay bills. Grak take acting lessons. Grak always dream of being on the soaps... Grak settle for sitcom work, though. Imagine: Grak replace Joey on Friends... Some day Grak be big shot in Hollywood.

Grak-Kind: Grak have three, bloodshot eyes randomly placed on "face". Grak look bit like greater leech-monkey: scaly, peeling skin, sparse (but long) hair, hunch-back, exposed viscera, long claws. Grak have long, protruding, needle-like teeth. Every 7 seconds Grak emit grating, terror-inducing screeches... sound like Janet Jackson, Grak always thought.

Q: Nice review, Grak.

Good question, Gressis, though complicated (in Grak opinion). In nutshell: Grak recommend brain sucking.

Q: What is the origin of the name, "Grak", Grak? Is it Spanish? It sounds Spanish to me.

"Grak" not Spanish. See point about dark void above. Though, Grak once sucked brains of Mexican... Does that count?

27 Comments:

At February 8, 2005 12:15 PM, Blogger Bobcat said...

You should probably post a profile of yourself, so that future readers of this blog don't have to read "Grak on Grak" is they want the low-down on Grak.

I'm impressed about the Salon gig, by the way. Though now that you mention it, it would explain their recent turn to partisanship.

 
At February 9, 2005 9:43 PM, Blogger BIG said...

I noticed the word "face" is in quotation marks. Is there no better word in the English language to describe the location of your eyes? Also, why are they bloodshot?

 
At February 10, 2005 9:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bigjim:

First, Grak apologize for commenting anonymously. Grak's housemates not know Grak brain-sucking demon. Grak hope to keep it that way. Sometime Grak suspect housemates have idea...

Grak appreciate question. Bigjim have tasty brain, Grak wonder?

Q: Why "Face"?
A: Grak not know precisely how to describe the weeping mess of bone and infected meat that arranged on front side of Grak's skull. "Face" short for that.

Q: Why bloodshot eyes?
A: Grak allergic to soothing aroma-therapeutic oils Grak use at work. Grak actually have very sensitive skin. Grak try everything, but no use.

 
At February 11, 2005 5:52 PM, Blogger Akrasia said...

You know, I had been wondering about the identity of Grak for some time now. Did I actually know this 'Grak'?

But then Grak slipped up -- big time! -- with this self-description:

"Grak not know precisely how to describe the weeping mess of bone and infected meat that arranged on front side of Grak's skull. "Face" short for that."

Aha! So it turns out that Grak is none other than Robert Gressis!

Very cunning of you, Robert, to come up with a fictitious blogger in order to promote your own site. Yes, most cunning indeed.

But you messed up, mon ami! I am on to you now...

 
At February 13, 2005 4:18 PM, Blogger Bobcat said...

I'm gonna get you, Akrasia.

 
At February 18, 2005 3:46 PM, Anonymous Grak said...

Grak know Akratic... Grak wonder: Akratic have tasty brain?

 
At March 8, 2005 2:06 PM, Blogger Bobcat said...

"the weeping mess of bone and infected meat that arranged on front side of Grak's skull"

Best. Description. Ever.

 
At March 13, 2005 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there nothing new with Grak?

 
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